dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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