no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
