Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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