I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
