One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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