we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
