it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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