Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
