i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
