I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
