is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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