Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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