The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
