apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
