Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
