How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
