Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
