I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
