I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm getting married
To pizza
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
