I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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