I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
