Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
