we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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