i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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