Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
