Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
