oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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