Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
