She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
