Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
