I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
