I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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