Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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