Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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