I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
