The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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