I hope mine doesn't look like that
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
