Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
my poor anus
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
