Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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