Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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