went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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