Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry about my life...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
