Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
