Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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