im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
