I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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