Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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