Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
