Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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