I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
