Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
A+ Viking dick
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
