I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
