My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
